Have you ever bought 12 new pairs of undies all at once? It is so………..refreshing, that is the word for it. Well, have you? There is nothing like it, especially when you have been wearing the rattiest darned undies. It does something for your self esteem. Even if they are not a nice small size 5 anymore! A person can only avoid buying new underwear in a larger size so long. Eventually, they will pinch you and make you mean.
I finally broke down and went in the plus size woman’s store and bought clothes. Somehow, if I did not shop in the plus store, in my mind, I was still a svelte size. Denial. Denial in double digits.
There has been a steady influx of weight these last 10 years. Maybe some of you can identify, hopefully most of you will not. I could not identify with a “weight problem” most of my life. Oh, yeah, I remember when I was a teenager saying my thighs are too fat. Not! Wish, I was fat like that again. Hindsight you know.
I grew up eating anything and everything that I wanted without any problems. Still was thin, still had a cute butt.
That lasted about 40 years into my life, and them whamo, everything changed. Many things prompted “my problem.” The first was the dreaded woman’s surgery that I fought against, leave my parts alone please. That did not work, had to go through it. Hormone imbalances abounded, along with an evil shrew that lived inside of me being unleashed. I frightened myself.
I worked through that, then had a thyroid problem. Of course it was the type that weight gain went along with and the shrew in me came out again. So, I worked through that with medication.
Then came another big one. After 30 years of smoking and inhaling cigarettes deep down to my toes, and loving it mostly, I quit. I became a MONSTER BITCH! Pardon my expression, but there is no nice way to put it. Monster bitch, crying and griping, complaining, praying to God for help. I stayed on nicotine patches for 6 months, not kidding and wellbutrin for 6 years! Hardcore smoker, that was me. Eventually, the monster part went back into hiding. Well, mostly.
I’m glad that I quit for many reasons, can’t stand them now. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life!
I started substituting food for the hand mouth thing. That took some time to break, and here I am 7 years later, and 80 lbs larger! Dang, it crept up.
Part of my avoidance in buying bigger clothes is also due to my fear that I will get comfortable in them, and grow up another size, no no can’t have that.
Sigh………….. heavy heavy sigh………………….. well I am determined that I will never give up trying to get healthy, even if I repeatedly fail, will perservere.
Will also buy pretty new undies until then. Lace is always a good thing.