Girls Without Shoes

October 9, 2008

Sasquatch Man

I saw him today walking down the street. I now think of him as Sasquatch Man. It made me catch my breath and clutch my heart to see him like this. It made me cry to see the shadow of who he was. I cried for him and for myself, as I miss my old friend.

He is a very large man a little over 6 ft tall and probably weighs 350 lbs. He lumbers down the street, wearing his stocking hat that looks like it belongs to a lumberjack. He has taken to even wearing it with his shorts in the warmer weather. The Birkenstock sandals are always there, as they always have been, come rain or shine.

He walks everywhere now, as his license was taken away. I believe his motorcycle got sold for his and others’ safety. That alone is probably enough to make him want to die. He practically lived on it. You would see him weaving down the street, like a child does on their bicycle, just loving the feel of it.

Quite a unique individual he was. Strong and powerful in many ways. Extremely intelligent, with a very high I.Q., to the point of being almost a crazy genius. He had a very twisted sense of humor, and loved the shock effect it had on people. Folks would either be horrified at his bizarreness or laugh themselves silly. There were plenty who actually hated him, and more who loved him. He could drive you practically insane if he wanted to, by pestering you to death for attention or for drugs when he was out. That was what he always referred to as “The Malaise”. After a 40 year meth addiction, I would imagine it felt like malaise to him.

He is a product of the 60’s. There are many who spent their teens and early twenties dabbling with all kinds of drugs during the 60’s. Not just pot, but L.S.D. (acid) was popular then. It was the Hippie Years and he was no exception, but almost the rule. He lived the bizarre life then in the city. He later moved to the mountains to escape that which he ended up bringing with him.  He desired a better place to raise his family and found it.

He changed from City Hippie, to Organic Hippie, to Hippie Journalist and  Editor.  Later he became a professional in the field of Law. A brilliant, self-taught professional. He was at first scoffed at, then held in high esteem by some, and disdain by others. He was called a maverick and a lunatic. Many reasons were behind all of this. He was a “horse of a different color”. He had heart. He stood up for what he believed to be right and just.

He was right much of the time, but pushed things more than to the limit. He would push them way over the edge. His creativity knew absolutely no bounds. All of this was due not only to his nature, but to the cranked up beast raging inside of him. He was husband, father, friend, philospher, professional, and a drug addict. An amazing man in so many ways.  A doomed man in others.

Years went by, with the same behavior continuing. His family felt the ill effects of the drugs raging. His friends felt the effects. His employees felt the effects. His career felt the effect.  His mind felt the effects as did his health.

His family life became more and more strained.  Love gave way to stress and hopelessness and embarrassment.  His relationships at work became more and more strained. Trust and respect gave way to disrespect and embarrassment. His career ended in a hugely scandalous way, devastating his family, his employees and co-workers, his friends and himself.

He was never the same after that, but steadily went downhill. At first his nervousness and devastation were calmed some by tranquilizers. His mind had already been slipping for the past few years. What one would have thought was just early aging and forgetfulness turned out to be dementia. I believe that at least some of the dementia was caused from the holes that the meth had put in his brain over the years.

His drug use and the consequences were not only felt by him, but by his wife, children, grandchildren, friends, and co-workers. The consequences were huge and life changing to all concerned.

Eventually each one dealt with the stress and strain and devastation in his or her own way. We all moved on and left him behind. We left him behind trapped in a body that did not operate in the same way that it had before. The body that now walked similar to “the thorazine shuffle”, as it is known in mental wards. The eyes that did not have the same intelligent light in them as before but looked blankly into the beyond.

Confusion is written on his face. The sadness in those eyes haunts me to this day. The sadness, I believe is a little glimmer of awareness in him that is left. The awareness of all that he has lost. The huge strength and power that he had once exuded is now gone.

Yes, I saw Sasquatch Man today. He used to have another name, but now I cannot make the name fit him anymore as he is a different person. It made me catch my breath again. It made me clutch my heart again, to see him like this.  It made me cry once again to see the shadow of who he was. I cried again for him and again for myself, as I will always miss my dear old friend who is no more.

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7 Comments »

  1. you make me want to cry….. cry for him and every other soul trapped in addiction like he is. How utterly sad.

    Comment by Amber — October 9, 2008 @ 6:29 am

  2. This one made me cry. You touched my heart deeply
    & I feel a saddness that goes to my inner core
    for Sasquatch Man & everyone who loves &/or cares
    for him.

    I seem to be in the crying biz myself lately! It is the saddest thing, there is a point of no return. I hope someone sees this piece and it encourages them to quit and have a life before they reach the point of no return. We need to keep all addicts and their families in our prayers as it is not a fun life for them either. Hugs to you my other soul sister.

    Comment by Connie — October 14, 2008 @ 2:53 am

  3. […] are interesting creatures, I personally try and avoid them like the dear Sasquatch Man. Ok suppose The truth of the matter is that It is easier just to procrastinate and go “bad […]

    Pingback by Weekly Fruit Salad ~ Numero ng labinsiyam « SanityFound’s Rambling’s — October 15, 2008 @ 12:21 pm

  4. Apologies, when doing the salad I read this but ran out of time to leave a comment (long story). This post of yours affected me greatly for it is how I have looked at addiction, at the prison people find themselves enslaved to. So sad but beautifully written huns!

    Thanks for mentioning it in the salad.

    It is very sad and very true.

    Comment by SanityFound — October 18, 2008 @ 10:35 am

  5. […] Original Post […]

    Pingback by Sasquatch Man « The Battle Stories — October 19, 2008 @ 6:21 am

  6. Interesting Read! Very detailed blog.
    Thanks for sharing

    Comment by elinorloewen — January 7, 2009 @ 4:25 pm

  7. Thanks for visiting!

    Comment by girlswithoutshoes — January 10, 2009 @ 7:08 pm


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