There was a knock at the door. “Coco, you be home by 11:00 “, shrilled her Mama.
“Okay, okay mama”, replied Coco. She ran down the stairs to the front door.
Coco was going out on her first date and her Mama was nervous, understandably, as Coco was quite the lovely young girl. All kinds of things could happen to her.
Coco herself was excited, it was her very first date! As she reached out to answer the front door, the music in her head started. Music beating out to the rhythm of the her heart. The music and heart songs that only she could hear and feel, waiting, waiting, waiting for something…………………………………….
Coco got her name as her mother was infatuated with all things French, and thought that Coco sounded very very French. Well thought Coco, my first name sounds French, but my last name? Jones? Whoever heard of a Frenchwoman named Coco Jones, for crying out loud?
Many things did happen to Coco over the years. She had many suitors, many different boyfriends, leaving a trail of broken loves and hearts behind, in search of……………
Some were more special than others, one she married and it ended in total heartbreak for her. It was the guy that reached deep into her soul, or so she thought. He seemed to climb inside of her heart and head thinking her thoughts, and she thought his. It was magic and it was also uncanny to say to least. Coco just thought they were soul mates. No one else had this kind of a soul mate. In reality, he was a sociopath, who repeated this with different women over the years, though he always claimed that Coco was the “one”.
Others would beg for her attention asking her to stir their drink with her finger so they could taste of her sweetness. Little did they know, Coco was not looking for that kind of attention. She needed a horse of a different color so to speak. Definately, not some bum in a bar. No sir, Coco had her sights on bigger things than that! It was not a monetary search either, but that something special. That someone who could unlock the princess witch inside of her.
She moved in with a mountain boy and had a very special relationship with him for some years. He was provider and friend and enemy too. He called her Princess. She loved him with all of her heart, however there was still something missing that she needed, that she yearned for. Try as he might, he could not be this everything that she needed. Eventually he helped to drive her away. Into another’s arms.
Coco tried to stifle the music she could hear, could feel beating inside of her. She tried to stifle, the feelings of missing out on something so special it could bring tears to your eyes and put songs in your heart, but to no avail. She could not change who she was, she would be fooling herself, lying to herself and to the mountain boy. Should she settle for less. Should she sell herself short?
No, Coco could not, would not. She knew there was something else out there, something more, something so magical that it would unleash everything in her being that she had locked away.
She found it for a while anyway. She was waiting tables at a little cafe in town. A certain man came in with a bouquet of flowers and a twinkle in his eye just for her. There was something almost beautiful about him, maybe it was his eyes. He was extremely good looking anyway. He smelled of the earthy rich smells of the woods. She fell head over heels in love with him. There was magic there.
The trouble with this was, she was still living with the mountain boy and did not want to hurt him. It would not only break his heart, but hers also, to hurt him I mean. She was torn inside out, upside down with love and grief. It was almost unspeakable to put it into words. Such a special lovely time, mingled with guilty feelings that created night terrors for her as she saw no easy way out. There was no easy way out. Change does not come without a cost.
One evening as she was closing the cafe, the woodsy man came in for coffee. Coco poured him coffee and found that the sugar jar was almost empty. She said, “Just a minute, I have to get some sugar”, and left the dining room to go into the pantry where the sugar was kept. Mr. Woodsy followed her inside and kissed her for the very first time almost bringing her to her knees. After that the word “sugar” took on a special meaning between them.
Once on the breakfast shift at the cafe, she was serving strawberry french toast and eggs to him. Coco grabbed up the plates piled high with breakfast foods and turned to walk across to his table to deliver. Her toe caught on the edge of the dining room rug and she tripped and then kind of flew across the room. The plates sailed out of her hands and ended up underneath her woodsy guy’s table. She skidded to a stop almost under neath the table on her elbows. Oh man, how embarassing! It hurt too! What a mess.
Her woodsy love just looked at her and announced, “you’re safe!”, just like an umpire and leaned down and picked her up and kissed her, strawberries in her hair and all. She knew then that he was the one for her.
She did not come home to the mountain boy that night and he was worried sick. Coco did not come home by 11:00 p.m. All of their friends and families were worried thinking that foul play had come to her. It was not foul play at all, thank God, but the woodsy guy that drew her away. She spent a wonderful night with him and believed it was all worth it the next day.
When Coco finally came home the next afternoon, they called off the cops. Her best friend told her she would blacken both of her eyes for her if it would give her an alibi. They just could not bring themselves to go that far. Sounds very deceitful, but desperate times and sisterly love, you know……………..
Coco did go back home for a while to the mountain boy and tried to make it work, tried to forget the woodsy guy who made her feel as no other had. She tried to forget the music and the rhythm. Trouble is as her mama always said, “you can’t unscramble an egg”. You also cannot unsee what you have seen. Sweet memories will not let you forget.
Coco and the woodsy guy finally moved in together living on the top of his mountain in his cabin with his two little boys. Things were not perfect as they should have been. There was another side to him that she did not bargain for, that he had not shown her before. Unfortunate that he did not. People always put their best foot forward don’t they?
When they broke up, it made Coco question her womanhood which she had never before. It left her feeling completely and utterly broken. It was so very sad, it took Coco some time to pick up the pieces and move on.
Eventually, Coco did get on with her life, meeting a few others that loved her. She did love them back. The music was still not there, though close.
Later in life, Coco did learn what some of it was that was missing. She learned to never let anyone make her feel ashamed of who she is, and how different, how beautifully different she is from what we call “the norm”. She now believes and knows there is absolutely nothing wrong with being different. Different is not necessarily crazy, just because others don’t understand it. Different, because she has a piercing gaze, that some say can see into their souls. Different, because she asks too many questions, digging and probing deeper and deeper, past that which some are uncomfortable. Different can be disturbing to some people, but disturbing is not necessarily always dangerous. Unless you were to fall dangerously in love with her!
Coco learned as a very dear friend of hers told her regarding her differences, “To Wear them like a frickin” Crown of Glory”. Today Coco does wear her crown. Coco learned that the music and rhythm inside of her were there for all to see and she finally accepts that it is okay, that she is okay. It is who she is………….